'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
