The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
