You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
