420 ftw
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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