Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
