you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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