I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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