you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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