My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
