He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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