Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
