now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
