Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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