just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
