I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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