I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i think i just lost a toe
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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