Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
