i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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