Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
