a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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