this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
When are your genitals available?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
