is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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