just tell him i said nine months
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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