i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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