Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
