he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
