What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
