So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
