i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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