You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
organizing the empties. That sober.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
