I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
