We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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