today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think a kid would responsible me up
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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