I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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