Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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