I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
