so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
