Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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