my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
