I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
