I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize