we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
