Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
