She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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