I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
