im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
