So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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