Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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