census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
