I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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