I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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