the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
