Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
