when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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