But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
