If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
This baby is an asshole
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
