I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
