I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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