Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
