i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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