my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
