Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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