ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
