You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
