genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
