Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
