u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
