If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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