i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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