I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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