there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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