When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
