1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
