I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
