he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
